Sometimes I just wish I were insane.
Sometimes I just wish I were retarded.
Sometimes I just wish I were brainless.
Sometimes I just wish I were autistic.
Sometimes I just wish I were deaf.
Sometimes I just wish I were dumb.
Sometimes I just wish I were invisible.
Sometimes I just wish I were alone.
Sometimes I just wish I were dead.
I'm the most happy girl on Earth but I was crying on the bed.
I'm the most ambitious girl on Earth but I was thinking of dying.
Death is no big deal but everyone would be curious of what he or she would die of, wouldn't one? I'm very curious.
At that moment I wondered, if I were to die at once, I'd be dead of falling off from the chair, banging my head on the wall and crushing my eyes on sharp edges of the tables. There would be a fountain of blood spurting out of the angry, deep cuts. And I would be imagining of how hell or heaven would look like.
Tears roll down my cheeks. I wonder if there were someone who tastes my tears, he or she would die on the spot. Because these salty liquid that flows out of my eyes are of creation of the utmost helpless pain and believe it or not, I never doubt that it is the tears of toxin.
I took a deep breath and the exhaled air smelt of agony, affliction and terror.
I'm not scared of death. But I'm hatred instead. The life that I thought was wonderful was merely a seeming.
But after the crying for 1 hour, I felt better. But the damp comforter is now of toxin.
I reminded myself that this was what I looked for. Life's been too perfect. I got bored with the relaxing mood so some knots were created to be resolved. And now I'm sure that I'm alive. Because the feeling has returned. The feeling of pain. Of disgust. And of hatred.
