It's young YZ. probably half a decade ago. =)

YZ at the age of 10.

These are what we shopped for at Chatuchak market, Bangkok.

One of the biggest dead volcano in Bali + YZ

YZ at the age of 10 at Grand Palace, Bangkok.

Cuteez~

Well I'm not that worrying =)

I didn't believe what I blogged yesterday. That was pretty horrible -) ...The most happy girl thinking of dying?
This is totally impossible in my life. Hah~ But that's what I think when I'm at the trough. Luckily, it's always the smile curve =)

Dying? I will die but definitely not this way. I'll have to save lives before I'd allow myself to go to hell =)

Emm....Lots of tasks to bring about this recent.


To be accomplished a.s.a.p.

1. Print out Taipei - HuaLian trip itinerary.
2. Beads.
3. Get my hands on the drum sticks.
4. Novels.

Today-must-accomplish-tasks

1. Clean bedroom.
2. Clean bathroom.
3. Make a new bracelet. Beading is fun=)
4. Practice the violin. Tomorrow is violin day.
5. Practice the drum. 7.30pm is the class. I'm going to strike on it. I love the bass drum and the ride cymbals  a lot.

Yeah~ I always enjoy to be occupied with thousands of tasks.

Btw, I've been attending dressmaking lessons since a fortnight ago. Yes. That is full of fun.
I can't believe Mum's going to wear a handmade dress to school and I'm going to make a dress for myself! ＨHah~
Life's still wonderful after the ups and downs yesterday =) I'm fully-contented.

Before I forget, no junk food please!!

Keep it up.

Sometimes I just wish I were.

Sometimes I just wish I were crazy.
Sometimes I just wish I were insane.
Sometimes I just wish I were retarded.
Sometimes I just wish I were brainless.
Sometimes I just wish I were autistic. 

Sometimes I just wish I were deaf.

Sometimes I just wish I were dumb.

Sometimes I just wish I were invisible.

Sometimes I just wish I were alone.

Sometimes I just wish I were dead.

I'm the most happy girl on Earth but I was crying on the bed.

I'm the most ambitious girl on Earth but I was thinking of dying.

Death is no big deal but everyone would be curious of what he or she would die of, wouldn't one? I'm very curious. 

At that moment I wondered, if I were to die at once, I'd be dead of falling off from the chair, banging my head on the wall and crushing my eyes on sharp edges of the tables. There would be a fountain of blood spurting out of the angry, deep cuts. And I would be imagining of how hell or heaven would look like. 

Tears roll down my cheeks. I wonder if there were someone who tastes my tears, he or she would die on the spot. Because these salty liquid that flows out of my eyes are of creation of the utmost helpless pain and believe it or not, I never doubt that it is the tears of toxin. 

I took a deep breath and the exhaled air smelt of agony, affliction and terror. 

I'm not scared of death. But I'm hatred instead. The life that I thought was wonderful was merely a seeming. 

But after the crying for 1 hour, I felt better. But the damp comforter is now of toxin. 

I reminded myself that this was what I looked for. Life's been too perfect. I got bored with the relaxing mood so some knots were created to be resolved. And now I'm sure that I'm alive. Because the feeling has returned. The feeling of pain. Of disgust. And of hatred.  

I'm 19 and matured

Mum, dad, you have to trust me.
I trust myself.

Com' on, I'm not going out with anyone. Because I can't go out with someone who isn't interested in girls. Yes, you're right. He's not heterosexual. Okay, you know what I mean. But I'm so sorry I can't tell you guys first. Well to me it's nothing big but to me...hmm. I got to think twice. I just don't want to spoil the good impression you have for him =)

It's been more than 4 years I haven't gone out with an opposite sex. And this very special friend of mine, is totally not a guy you can think of. Because, I think there's a hope or a wish, Idk, that has come true not being realised. And that is, I always believe that a girl always needs a gay friend who is of the opposite sex of course. Because this is always a perfect match if you're looking for a best friend forever, or a person whom you would share your problems. (Of course, this only applies when your boyfriend can't help you much OR, you don't have a boyfriend) 

Basically we did nothing much. Just a movie that no one knew what's it all about. Killing? Murders? Assasination? Threats? Terror? Pain? Blood? Awefulness, definitely. Btw, it's the Driving Angry. We both THOUGHT it would be a comedy as it sounds. But we were so wrong = =
And shopping at Popular. But by the time it's the end of the movie, it's almost 10 and the complex is closing. I just got to glance through a few pages of those magazines. That's all.
After that, it was sushi time. Wow. I loved salmon so much. Can't live without it.

Mum, dad, I'm almost 19! I know it's not good to return home after 11. But I can't just go home without having a light dinner. And the traffic was congested. I honestly don't know why on Earthe there were so many vehicles on the road. It took me 20 minutes to reach home.

Have I offended you? If so, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean it. But I just can't tell you yet, that you don't have to worry because we aren't potential couples. Anyway, it's impossible. I can't possibly date with a gay, okay? But he's a very nice friend to have. And I'm always very grateful that someone is so willing to share his stories, whether it's a problem or an interest or a story. Whatever. It's good enough when you realise that you somehow appreciated as a friend, as a listener =)




 

A good day =)

6.30 in the morning and my ringing alarm clock dragged me back to reality from my sweet dreams. I guess I didn't make any nice dreams but I was in a pretty good mood. What a wonderful beginning of the day!

I don't feel any weight in my eyelids. (What a description~ but that's the fact) 

I walked to the kitchen, switched on the radio to the 98.8 channel, took out the new bought packet of chicken frankfurters from the fridge, boiled the water, heated the cooking oil and toasted 2 pieces of Gardenia whole grain bread -----breakfast for my brother to bring to the school. I always like to do so. 

Listening to the radio and doing things that I always wanted. This is the chance because I have no school so that I can do whatever I've been looking forward for ages. And even if I feel a little tiredness in my eyes, I don't feel like going to bed again because I'm totally mentally-refreshed! I have great momentum. I have lots of things that I'd like to accomplish.

I wake up and prepare a tiny bento for my brother, sometimes prepare breakfast for Dad and myself, sometimes prepare lunch for Dad to bring along to the office when he's on diet. And I'd brush and clean and shower. I'd read the newspaper, switch on the radio and the notebook, listening to the soonest released song while updating myself on Facebook, my little blog and so on.

Emm....Actually that's what I always want to do in the morning. The fact is, I'm still not reading the newspaper everyday! I can't believe why this happens because I'm so free now. Okay, I'm going to start today =)

The Stars and Sin Chew. Ym, you don't have to read from the first page to the last. But you have to know what's happening around me, around my country, and around the world. I need to know that because literally I'm already a 19-year-old young adult. I'm not going to be any other else on Earth so I'm not going to do what I like but what I'm supposed to!

Next, check out the application status on Hong Kong University. I really hope I'd be accepted =) 

Also, plan the itinerary of Taiwan trip! Must be completed soon.

Emm... Scour the website of Manipal Medical school =)

Read the newspaper!!! Okay, this is a promise.

Dream huh? It's not going to be a dream.

See? This is what I want. Wake up in the morning, first thing feel the breeze and the warmth of the sunlight . And I won't get back to sleep for any other excuse because I 'd be totally mesmerized by the view right in front of me.

This is what I dreamed of at night when I couldn't sleep well.
Listen to the continuous sounds of the lively waves and feel the warmth of the winds under the soothing sunlight.

I wrote that before, indoor sunbathing, remember?
 I've been dreaming of this one over and over again. Because I really love this so incredibly much. It's too gorgeous. Indescribable.

Wake up in the morning. Served with red Versus or Lucas or whatever red wine. Appreciate life with my loved ones, if there's one.

Gorgeous. Wonderful. Amazing. Mesmerizing. Tantalizing.

Look at the transparent roof. I'm going to dine under the beams of the soft sunlight, whether it's sunrise or sunset.
I'd just lie down at the patio. And appreciate life, celebrate life in tranquility.

Jacuzzi while appreciating the scenic view of the ocean. How wonderful. Life's more than beautiful =)

 Feel like you're dreaming? Emm....No you're not. I love swimming. So it would be frantically fantastic if there's a swimming pool at my house =)

Hah~ I said this before too. My dream one =) Bathing in a tub and appreciating the nature right in front of your eyes.

I love wood. I love nature. It gives me a sense of nature... too much artificial nowadays.
I love huge windows too. 

Big house. Big swimming pool. Big patio. 

I'm going to need this one. Wooden. Neat. It's just too fantastic.

A lot of the time I always picture my future because I care a lot about my life. 

I want to be a doctor. I don't care if it's kind of selfishness because I always see myself working in a hospital or helping people in poor countries because I feel great doing that. And I always want to live a better life. Better environment. Things like the designer house, luxurious cars....these are one thing. But don't be confused I'm not looking for a materials. But to upgrade my lifestyle to the one that's always in my head, those are the very significant elements. So the point is simple : I'm going to work hard for life. My life. People's lives. 

Wanna freak someone out?

21/2/2011 6.25pm

I sat on the driver's seat on my mum's white Harrier for the first time. Trying to reach for the accelerator pedal, I gripped on the steering wheel, adjusted the position of the seat, the mirrors and and started the car engine. And unbelievably, mum's sitting right beside me on the passenger's seat, and I was going to drive. I guessed mum would be freaked out a lot. And I was totally right =)

Well to be honest, I have to admit that I am not good at driving yet. After all I have only learnt driving for less than 10 hours in a fortnight. And I only drove a Kancil, an extremely small car, manual. Harrier is totally different. Everyone knows well. It's much bigger, longer, power-steering......much expensive. How could I drive as relaxed as I was before? And the thing is, mum's sitting right beside me, staring at my every move and that was the first time ever driving a Harrier.

The whole practice took less than half an hour. But I thought it had already been half a day. And mum was like screaming like hell all the time. I was driving at less than 20 Km/h  along the housing estate road but was accused of driving too fast. In my mind I told myself that it would take a much longer time than I expected to the day when I can drive confidently on the road. I mean on bigger road when mum doesn't have to sit beside me, screaming.

I thought of the day when I drive after a decade. I will have been a much better driver by then. And I think I would think of this day, the first time ever, when mum sat beside me, guiding me how to drive a car. Surely she was more freaked out than I was. And I was thinking that if you want your mum to get an heart attack, or live a shorter life, it would be a good idea to drive when she's sitting beside you. Emm.... Well of course this is a joke, a lame one ;)

Yea. I'm going to do much more practices. I'm not going to freak her out anymore. Hope that everything would be much better the next time I do it =)

Rain Man Official Trailer

This is one of the best movies I've ever watched. It's more than a thousand times better than those Korean's.
I cried in my vocal cords. And bleed in my heart. Life's so incredibly full of emotions. It may be awful. But it's definitely can be indescribably wonderful.
Life's amazing guys. Love your life. Live your life =)

wanna be a drummer-at-home

www.onlinedrummer.com

I've been scouring this website. Thanks to it =) I'm now learning drums on my own. Geez ~ this is fun!

Things to do next

I've been living more like a human these last 3 days. Learnt quite lots of new things. And I'm going to keep myself occupied with meaningful tasks.

Tomorrow : ( Exactly it's 10 minutes later)
Start scouring The Help by Kathryn Stockett. Thought it would be a fantastic novel with background of the 60s in the America. Would be informative.

Practice driving more practically. Have got my driving license yesterday. I look gorgeous in the pic on the license.

Work out on the itinerary. Taipei trip. Would be much fun. And I'm going to make it the best vacation ever. Best wishes~

Practice the violin. Although my poor 1st and 2nd fingers aren't completely recovered from allergy, I have to get my fingers on the strings. Miss the melodious sound of my babe.

Do homework from the dressmaking teacher. =) Mdm. Fong. She's a nice teacher. Kind, friendly, knowledgeable, reasonable......so far so good.

Yes! Next accomplishments. I'm going to gorgeously work 'em out.

accomplishments =) dz.....

Watched 3 idiots. The best Indian movie I've ever watched. Life-changing. Very meaningful.

Finished My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Picoult, finally. Very impressive novel. Life-changing. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Recently I took up dressmaking lessons. I find it rather interesting. Making clothings of your own! How gorgeous. I've never thought that one day I'd be able to do so! And now I'm learning it! 

I signed up for percussion class too. Specifically it's just a basic class of learning how to play drums. And I truly love that. I always admire people who can play drums. I love the rhythmic beats more than the melody produced  from the piano. And I always wish that someday I'd be on a stage playing the drums confidently. Well actually I did that before. It was in Singapore where I helped my friend, as a drummer who was part of the accompaniment. Pretty funny. Because I didn't know how to play the drums honestly. Hah~ But it did happen that I was on the stage playing for the rhythms. How unimaginable.

I always think that guys who can play the drums are very charismatic and very attractive. 

I love the bass drum most actually. But the combination of the high hat, snare drum, bass drum, several cymbals and the floor tom is still the best. The powerful and very rhythmic beats are like fire building my energy up. They always push me and make me move forward in life somehow. That's why I like playing the drums. It's always gorgeous.

free day

I've just experienced free day. I wonder if there's such a phrase in the dictionary.

Simply free day means a day that I don't use my own pocket money when I'm supposed to.

This morning as early as 9.15am I'm at new town, 1st floor of Yohan Confectionary. There's a dressmaker institution which I didn't notice at all before it. I signed up for the class and had been there for 4 hours or more for the first time. The teacher, who's also teaching in my mum's school is very nice. I don't know in what sense that I think she's nice. She is a very soft person. She's passionate to life. She's not so business-minded. Well, personally I think she is such a person after 4 hours of some chatting. And everyone else there pays RM60 for a 2-hour class for four times in a month. And I'm getting a 4-hour or more class in one day. I'll be there too tomorrow. And I didn't pay for it. I'm supposed to pay for the 1st time especially when the teacher actually said that she doesn't matter much about the time I take because I'm going to leave for my future studies soon. But is that the reason or it's just an excuse? Because she knows my mum and my mum is a teacher in the school where she's teaching too? And because I'm my mum's daughter she is supposed to treat me like this? Well it's no big deal obviously but it's just that I feel pretty funny. And I know about the world of realism. So there is NO free meal. Is there other reason for this? I'm always thinking a lot.

And at 1.45pm the cab that my dad called for me had arrived so I left. The teacher asked me why I leave so early. Gosh! How can she have said this? It's already four hours and I'm not paying any fees. But honestly I feel so because my eyelids are too heavy to carry on for another hour.

It was the first time I greeted the cab driver. Well in Malaysia it is considered as extraordinarily weird. Malaysians don't greet when they think they are the ones who pay for the service. Well I greeted because that  cab driver worked at the same place as my dad's. So for the sake of my dad's reputation I did. It's no big deal too. But then that's the first time I've seen such a well-mannered cab driver. First time ever in my life time in Malaysia. Is he really such a nice person? I doubt. And for sure he did that somehow because it's related to my dad. Gosh~ And because I'm my dad's daughter I'm treated this way. And I was thinking, why did he do so? What did he expect to get from my dad? I can't help much. And my dad isn't the boss of the cab company. Eventually he insisted that I do not pay for the RM10 fare. Gosh~ What on Earth is happening? I was thinking.

I actually did insisted that I pay him and quickly I did some explanations but it was useless. I faster closed the door of the cab and entered my house. And guess what? He kept saying No No No...Your father has paid me. Doubtless that 's a big lie. And he stuffed the money to me when I'm actually already standing in the house and the auto-gate was closing.

Gosh~ What could I have done? I just can't be picked up for FREE. What's the deal? I was thinking. Because no way he would have done this if he has no other intention. Did I think excessively?

.................Honestly, I DON'T KNOW.

It's scary but nice. How ironic!

like insomnia

Do you make your own dream when you experience Insomnia?

I always dream when I can't sleep well.

Often I picture the dream house of my own. I need nothing and do nothing but close my eyes and start off the journey to build my own house. 

I often see my house sitting on a mountain, overlooking the deep, blue sea. I don't need much lighting in the room because all the walls are see-through glasses with sun control and anti-heat absorption function. So the entire house would be very bright and warm. I'd open all the windows throughout the day. And all that I could hear is the splashing of the waves onto the rocks by the cliff. The sea is so blue and mesmerizing. It is so wide and enormous that I can never see the end of it. The horizon is unclear. The sea and the sky are blent perfectly. 

There is a bathroom sitting in the middle of the bedroom. It's transparent, even the long bath. Everything in the bathroom is snowy-white. Lie down on the bed and as you put your finger on the remote pad, the roof will change into a transparent one. If the sun is not strong, I'd switch that on. So that if I don't want to get too much sun but I'd like to listen to the breeze, I can do sunbathing on a bed. How wonderful.

As the sun sets, I would sit on a couch in the patio which is right in front and along the side of my bedroom. The sun sets North East in the direction of my room. And I'd appreciate the moment it drowns itself beneath the sea. How wonderful. At the patio section which is on the other side of the house, there is where I have my dinner. I have dinner right after the sun sets. And as the sky dims, I'd have the candle lit. And it would be another romantic night for me and my lover, if there's one.

I take a deep breath. The breeze is as cool and as fresh as always. I would sit facing the sea if I'd like to taste the saltiness of the sea breeze. But if I need some fresh air, I would lie down on the grassy land in front of the patio where I have my dinner. Lie down, I look at the dark sky of the shy blinking stars. They are more than a billion miles away but there are always shinning to Earth. And I would always wonder that the light that I see may already be more than a million year old. But it still reaches my eyes. How gorgeous.

My dream house would always exist in my head. It is part of my life, whether it's in the past, at present or even in future as it always keeps me moving forward. It is the momentum of life.

I'm grateful sometimes when I suffer from mild Insomnia. Because to me, it's not a suffering at all. In fact, the dream is more than it sounds. It's my future. It's my life.

Thirst of love

Have you ever had a very wonderful dream? Dreams that you make when you're asleep. They can appear to be so perfect and so unbelievably gorgeous that you'd be influenced throughout the day.

I had a dream yesterday night. Specifically it was this morning, I guess.

I were one of the team members who were professionals for events similar to Just For Laughs. And all of us were professional actors. So we were offered a chance to set up a scene in a high school that someone were murdered, with brilliant red blood all over the place. I were still wandering why the school authority would want to do that. But that were my job so I didn't care much. It would take us several days for the preparation. And as professionals, we had to pretend that we were also the students in the school. That were only the first day.

And I remembered that I carried a very modern handbag which were silver in colour. And I even brought a hand luggage to school. It was school dismissal time and I were the last one to close the classroom door where actually all of our equipments were kept there. And when I stepped out of the classroom door, I saw an incredibly handsome guy, 6 inches taller than I, looked healthy and stout. He were a student but not one of the team. And I didn't know why but my hand just clang around his arm naturally. And we were like very good friends and he faster assisted me with the luggage.

We walked to the front gate of the school together, with our fingers crossed. And without a word, we both know that we click.

And out of no reason, I woke up to the reality. And I felt extremely high-spirited even though it stroke me that it was just a dream.

LOL
Am I hungry for that? Am I thirsty of love?
When would my prince arrive at the door step? When would I meet my knight who rides a brilliant black horse?

LOL
I'm sick, ain't I?

ecstasy

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh....yea~

Met primary school guys for the first time after 7 years! Wonderful!

Had lunch at Old Town White Coffee, Gunung Rapat. Mdm. Wong Sook Cheng, our former primary class teacher was there too! Gorgeous.

Thanks brother Ze who accompanied me from house to destination by bus. Short journey but waiting of bus was annoying. It took us more than 25 minutes. And the time the bus took to reach Old Town was less than 10 minutes. Gosh. Should have walked there. But the sun was crazily scorching. Dangerous too. It's always better not to walk even there are two of us in M'sia.

12.30pm-3pm was spent in Old Town listening to stories of the old fellows. Nice though I didn't speak much. Obvious transformations physically and mentally after so many years. Felt great because most of them changed for the better.

After that Bro Ze went home. We moved to Jusco K-Box. 

K Box? Yes. And I'm practically a dumb in singing. I'm literally dumb.

There are 2 things that I'm confidently lack-confident : Singing and directions.( I could never remember the direction to a new venue)

But I still went with them. Of course I sat there. Listening only. Specifically I was just deafening my ears. I didn't feel out of place at all though. I just enjoyed much although  all I did was sitting there and rejecting the offering of the microphone. 

Of course there are reasons why I don't sing in a Karaoke. 

Firstly, I seldom, if not, never listen to pop songs. In fact I hardly ever listen to songs. The most that I listen to is Josh Groban or Celine Dion or Kelly Clarkson. But I said listen. And I'm a true dumb ass in singing. It happens that even if I've listened to a song for more than 20 or 30 times, I won't be able to memorize the lyrics. I can't even sing it aloud. Because I don't sing. I really don't. 

Secondly, I learn about music. I play musical instruments. The piano, the violin and even percussion, the drum.  To me, music is to be appreciated. Honestly, I don't like shouting of the lyrics in a box. It's ridiculous because it hurts the throat and the ears a lot. And it's some kind of irreverence to the piece of music. But I'm not offended with my friends who do this. I'm fine provided I'm not doing it. That's why I don't sing in the box because most of the time it's not singing but shouting.

................................................................................

Yea :) I'll keep to what I'm doing.

Is this better? hah.

No idea.

Have you heard shit?
No. You won't probably know. Because you haven't heard that before.
But I do. And I just did that.

You probably have heard the best violin solo in an orchestra. But you won't go for the worst. And I'm playing the worst.
Well I admit that I don't practice the violin everyday. And obviously I'm not a talented violinist.
Every Tuesday I suffer from suffocation in the piano room. And I create the suffocation myself. Because I'm always not doing what I expected.

I love music, especially pieces played by the violin. And I love my violin. It's beautiful. And all my hopes are grown like seeds from there and all my sorrow is buried in the sound of the violin. But I just have NO IDEA why I play like SHIT. You know what is shit? You obviously don't. And luckily you don't.

It's way too wonderful to be described with words like 'shit' or even 'fucking  shit' because I know it myself that it's worse than that. All these years I've been wasting my Dad's money. Every Tuesday, every month and every year. For so many years, I've fallen in love with the sound of the violin pieces. It's growing day by day, getting stronger. But I suffer more. And I always feel like I'm going to die of guilt.

I don't know how to put it. It's just millions of times way too horrendous. That's my feeling. And for sure I don't like it. I hate it. But I love my violin lessons. Because hopes grow from there. But now, for I-don't-know-what reason, I feel nothing but struggled.

I'd say music is part of my life because since 5 I've been taking up so many music lessons but yet, I can't produce good music. I'm terrible. This is what I can conclude and actually I'm worse than that.

.....................................................................................................................................................

I can't imagine what life is without music.
I don't want to suffer like this.
I want my trueself to return. To return to the original self. I'm a good girl.
I was. I am. And I'd always be.

Things to do

It's the 4th day of CNY and I'm supposed to focus on what I've planned to do.

9th Feb
would be the last day for me to learn driving before the driving test. I don't know if I should bribe the examiner.

10th Feb
would be the day of my driving test. I really want to make it a success. Safe trip.

12th Feb
meeting my Primary school fellows. It's been ages I haven't caught up with them. In fact after Standard Six I haven't really met them. I have totally no idea what transformations they have undergone.

13th Feb
meeting Yirou who is going back to Beijing for studies soon. Perhaps we would go to Lost World Tambun, spend time under the scorching sun and get some sunburn in the water park.

................................

Emm....As you could see, there would be lots of gatherings soon and another week would be over very soon. And so much time would just be gone and finally I won't be able to do my own stuff. Well actually I have nothing much to do but I need to find some stuff to do to occupy my time, to brush up on my vocabs and to maintain my EQ or IQ or whatever. I'm going to be a nerd if I carry on staying at home doing only the household chores.

I just bought a book in Popular today. It's everything about Maya Culture, and the 2012 the year of 'the day after tomorrow'. I'm going to read it EVERYDAY and finish it soon. Then I'd read my novels a.s.a.p. Hopefully I'd do it continuously.

Novels to be raed :
EAT PRAY LOVE
PS. I LOVE YOU
THE MEMORY KEEPER'S DAUGHTER
THE INHERITANCE
THE HELP

keep it up

It's my turn dude.

I really don't like grabbing the notebook from my brother just to write my own blog.

Why can't you use the PC out there?
Why can't you use it tomorrow?
What do you want to do with it so secretly that you can't use the PC?
Where is your own one?

Gosh! Too many questions. But I always answer them.

Because I want to do my own things.
You've been using it for 3 days.
I need privacy.
My own one is basically damaged.

And I am your elder sister. And brother, you are sitting for your major exam this year. It's in October but time flies. You always know it. You shouldn't be using the computer anymore because New Year time is almost over. You know that, don't you?

I'm really fed up with the same questions. Just let me use it. It's neither yours nor mine. And I'm pretty sure I have more better reasons than you do to use it.

Forget about it. Just focus on your studies.
DUDE

Cristiano Ronaldo in Housekeeping Full Armani HD

Isn't that pretty hawt?!
Gosh...I just can't help looking at hawties =P

My new Signature :)

Yeah ^^ I've found a signature for my name :)

Life should have been greater

It's Chinese New Year eve and everyone LOOKED like they are busy. And I actually made myself busy too.

As so many years have passed and I've now turned out to be a grown-up lady. At times festive season doesn't really make me feel like I'm into it anymore like it did last time. But there is one thing that I will still do. And that is to be busy. Sometimes I think this is kind of ridiculous but we always don't realize it when we are doing so.

Every year all our family members would gather at my Grandma's house in Gopeng at CNY 's eve for the reunion dinner. But this year, because my Grandma is too old and too weak to be taken care by my aunt who lives with her so it was decided that she'd be shifted to the Old Folks' Home. And for some other reasons there were some arguments over I-Don't-Know-What topic which I'd say mostly they were related to the Old Folks' Home stuff. Because of this, at some point of time before the New Year's eve, a lot of things seemed so true that it would have turned out that we wouldn't have had a reunion dinner with Grandma. Personally I really didn't have any comment about it as usually I'm always like an outsider. ( I'm actually grateful of that.)

Eventually, it turned out that we actually had the reunion dinner at Gopeng with Grandma and everybody came home. Things weren't as bad as I expected. But for one thing I really couldn't understand.
A lot of times everything seemed so normal but actually it's not at all. And people look like it's usual. I can't figure out if they are merely pretending. This is what I really can't understand. Sometimes it's hard to avoid sad things to happen like somehow there would be some arguments. And when it should be over, people who are involved in it should have common-sense and just make it an end. But sadly things don't work out the way we thought they would. Well honestly I'm not really affected emotionally....Just that I'm speaking from the point of view of a third party or an outsider that I've always considered myself.

I THINK .... a lot of bad things that occured weren't intentionally set up. But most of the time it's because of  human being's behavior or character or personality.....Well I'm pretty NOT sure what that is. But I know problems don't start when people get upset with something. Problems begin only after people get mad but they don't know or don't want to get things clear. In Chinese culture this is very commonly-known as a person's self-esteem. But in fact it's the bad side of it. People are too proud of themselves and they tend to get on their nerves and pretend that others should take care of their feelings. This is honestly very ridiculous.

I can't do anything to help out sometimes. But I watch it. Like a soap or a series. And I'm pretty grateful that because of this I always remind myself to be humane. I'm using this word 'humane' because as a third party I always feel that people who are lack of humility easily make others feel that they are inhumane.

:) Anyway, it's New Year time and everything should be positive :)
Don't act. Just be yourself. Your true self. It might sometimes get things worse but it's still better than pretending that everything is fine when it's actually NOT.

Best wishes ~ May you be blessed.