It's Chinese New Year eve and everyone LOOKED like they are busy. And I actually made myself busy too.
As so many years have passed and I've now turned out to be a grown-up lady. At times festive season doesn't really make me feel like I'm into it anymore like it did last time. But there is one thing that I will still do. And that is to be busy. Sometimes I think this is kind of ridiculous but we always don't realize it when we are doing so.
Every year all our family members would gather at my Grandma's house in Gopeng at CNY 's eve for the reunion dinner. But this year, because my Grandma is too old and too weak to be taken care by my aunt who lives with her so it was decided that she'd be shifted to the Old Folks' Home. And for some other reasons there were some arguments over I-Don't-Know-What topic which I'd say mostly they were related to the Old Folks' Home stuff. Because of this, at some point of time before the New Year's eve, a lot of things seemed so true that it would have turned out that we wouldn't have had a reunion dinner with Grandma. Personally I really didn't have any comment about it as usually I'm always like an outsider. ( I'm actually grateful of that.)
Eventually, it turned out that we actually had the reunion dinner at Gopeng with Grandma and everybody came home. Things weren't as bad as I expected. But for one thing I really couldn't understand.
A lot of times everything seemed so normal but actually it's not at all. And people look like it's usual. I can't figure out if they are merely pretending. This is what I really can't understand. Sometimes it's hard to avoid sad things to happen like somehow there would be some arguments. And when it should be over, people who are involved in it should have common-sense and just make it an end. But sadly things don't work out the way we thought they would. Well honestly I'm not really affected emotionally....Just that I'm speaking from the point of view of a third party or an outsider that I've always considered myself.
I THINK .... a lot of bad things that occured weren't intentionally set up. But most of the time it's because of human being's behavior or character or personality.....Well I'm pretty NOT sure what that is. But I know problems don't start when people get upset with something. Problems begin only after people get mad but they don't know or don't want to get things clear. In Chinese culture this is very commonly-known as a person's self-esteem. But in fact it's the bad side of it. People are too proud of themselves and they tend to get on their nerves and pretend that others should take care of their feelings. This is honestly very ridiculous.
I can't do anything to help out sometimes. But I watch it. Like a soap or a series. And I'm pretty grateful that because of this I always remind myself to be humane. I'm using this word 'humane' because as a third party I always feel that people who are lack of humility easily make others feel that they are inhumane.
:) Anyway, it's New Year time and everything should be positive :)
Don't act. Just be yourself. Your true self. It might sometimes get things worse but it's still better than pretending that everything is fine when it's actually NOT.
Best wishes ~ May you be blessed.
