No. You won't probably know. Because you haven't heard that before.
But I do. And I just did that.
You probably have heard the best violin solo in an orchestra. But you won't go for the worst. And I'm playing the worst.
Well I admit that I don't practice the violin everyday. And obviously I'm not a talented violinist.
Every Tuesday I suffer from suffocation in the piano room. And I create the suffocation myself. Because I'm always not doing what I expected.
I love music, especially pieces played by the violin. And I love my violin. It's beautiful. And all my hopes are grown like seeds from there and all my sorrow is buried in the sound of the violin. But I just have NO IDEA why I play like SHIT. You know what is shit? You obviously don't. And luckily you don't.
It's way too wonderful to be described with words like 'shit' or even 'fucking shit' because I know it myself that it's worse than that. All these years I've been wasting my Dad's money. Every Tuesday, every month and every year. For so many years, I've fallen in love with the sound of the violin pieces. It's growing day by day, getting stronger. But I suffer more. And I always feel like I'm going to die of guilt.
I don't know how to put it. It's just millions of times way too horrendous. That's my feeling. And for sure I don't like it. I hate it. But I love my violin lessons. Because hopes grow from there. But now, for I-don't-know-what reason, I feel nothing but struggled.
I'd say music is part of my life because since 5 I've been taking up so many music lessons but yet, I can't produce good music. I'm terrible. This is what I can conclude and actually I'm worse than that.
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I can't imagine what life is without music.
I don't want to suffer like this.
I want my trueself to return. To return to the original self. I'm a good girl.
I was. I am. And I'd always be.
