Turn a new leaf?

I am used to setting new challenges and bigger goals for myself every time when it is a new beginning, for example, at the beginning of the year or when a new semester starts. Since last year when I completed my 6 years of high school, in fact, I have been thinking of new challenges to set. Maybe there are way too many things I have to accomplish, I couldn't figure out a specific goal for myself. After some struggling and thinking during these almost 8 months, I finally came out with a rough idea of what I strongly believe that I am supposed to do. Instead of saying that I should turn a new leaf, which might sound like I have done something bad though I had not, I should say that I need to set goals and challenges so that I am totally revitalized and full of energy and that might help me in becoming a more capable person in the future.

Now, I clearly know that I am pretty weak at social networking which means I am somehow reluctant to speak to people who I do not know. As a med student who wants to be a doctor so badly, this is not a small subject. I am very sure that a doctor cannot work by itself. A doctor who excels must work in a team. That means, a doctor must be able to get along well with other people easily. Hence, this has to be a new goal for me. I must always remember to take the initiative to meet new people. I must learn to speak and be much more outspoken. Social networking would be so vital that it may influence a doctor's job. I must take the opportunity to meet all kinds of people so that I give myself more chances to learn from the better.

Besides, I must pick up my English and Malay speaking skills. Perhaps it is because I am brought up in a Chinese-educated family and had been in a Chinese Private school, I seldom have a chance to speak in English and Malay. I think these two languages weigh as important should I serve as a doctor in Malaysia. I surely do not want to struggle in language barrier which will sound pretty ridiculous, both as a doctor and as a Malaysian. Therefore, I must speak a lot more English and Malay. I should not be any shy. At times, I should even speak in English only and get along with more English-educated people so that I have a bigger chance to learn and be initiative in speaking in the language.

It is my goals that I am going to challenge myself. I am going to strike it all the way. I am not going to run away from it. I MUST meet the goals. In less than 3 weeks, I am going to be a medical student in IMU. I am going to be the best of myself. I am going to work extra-hard and be very prepared that my university-life is not going to be easy. I must be very prepared that it might even seem disastrous. And I shall expect all the things more difficult and challenging than I could ever imagine. BUT I must not run away from any of them. I must always bear in mind one very important saying, which has been my companion during my hard-times while preparing for UEC last year, that is IF YOU DON'T QUIT, DON'T CHEAT AND DON'T RUN HOME WHEN TROUBLE COMES, YOU CAN ONLY WIN. For sure, I might lose a lot, but in the end, I will win because I can ONLY win from the bad times when I lost. Life's but a brief candle BUT it is in fact an amazing race.

I do not know what is going to fall on me in the next minute or TOMORROW. But as a living person, I shall be the best all the way. I shall live to the fullest. I shall strike for all I want. I shall be the best of what I want.

Yes. I do not know God I do not know Buddha and I do not know Lord Ganesha. But for now, I believe in myself but not being arrogant and proud of my self-being. I am but a tiny living creature in the world. But as I am given this opportunity to learn this world of colours and lives, I shall be the best.

Yes. Yes. All the best. All the way you go.

let thy emotion locked and thy shall hold the keys

It has been a couple of months since I first started driving on the road. Today, like sometimes, I drove myself to meet with my friends. But this time I parked at the carpark behind a bank. There is a notice board saying that it is the bank's private parking but I saw only a few cars parking there and because other parking spaces have been filled to capacity, I decided to park the car there. After happily saying good-byes to my friends, I realised that my car was blocked by a car. GOSH. It was 3.30pm and I should already be driving back to fetch my brother home from school. LOL. I started to get worried because I was going to be late. So I sent a message to mum telling her about this. And guess what, though expected, mum called back and her voice made my tears burst. I have no idea why this always happens when I hear mum's voice. I thought it's because she sounded like I have been crashed in a serious accident and probably would have both my legs amputated. GOSH. For a 19-year-old girl who is going to leave the house and live alone studying in a university, there should be no reason that I cannot handle this tiny little thing. I didn't even see this as a problem in fact! I could and should have resolved this problem myself. I decided to go to the bank and ask for assistance. Guess what, that lady staff at the Customer Service deck said that she had no idea whose car that was. Then I went to Yohan Bakery to ask too because that might be one of the customers' car as the parking lot is just next to it. Well, I ended up finding out nothing. Then I went back to the car and saw a Malay guy standing next to his car with his driver's door opened. So I asked if his car was blocked as well. How true. He faced the same situation. I told him about it and I was so lucky to have being told that the car that blocked my car belongs to one of the bank's staffs. Definitely I went straight to the bank.

Then Dad called me and I told him I was fine and could handle it. He was God-damned worried and LOL, I was trying to remind him that I am already 19 and should be able to handle it. It should be a piece of cake, in fact, it was. Then when I was in the bank waiting for my turn to talk to the same lady-staff, GOSH, this time Mum called me again. She was already shouting so loud that my voice started to tremble. Perhaps because of my stupid vocal chord that couldn't stop sounding like I was going to cry, Mum sounded so terrified that as if I was going to be murdered. I tried my best to convince her that I could handle it. Obviously I failed doing so because of my stupid trembling voice, she got even worse. And this time, she sounded as if I was going to be cut into a hundred pieces before being murdered and burnt into ashes. 

OMG

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Everything went back as usual then. Then I started to think about it. Now I'm so sure why I always want to leave the house sooner. Because it's for sure that I would not be able to learn overcome problems myself. It is NOT because of me but my parents who are always over-worried about a lot of silly things. I wondered, if I didn't inform Mum about the incident, I might have been scolded for reaching home late but perhaps I might be able to prove that I could really handle it MYSELF. GOSH. I really shouldn't have told the world about it. How silly I was!

That's why.

Why daddys and mummys nowadays are super-duper-worried about their children? I don't think they are treated like we are now when they were young in the bygone days. But why? Is it because the situation has worsen now in the sense that there are so many crimes happening out there? Or is it because parents in the modern days have fewer kids so children are more 'precious' and should be 'taken care' better? But by this way? So, perhaps a couple of decades later, kids are not going to be independent even when they have reached the age of becoming mothers and fathers. 

Parents play a really important role in the growing-up process of children.

Ooohh....

I still can't get rid of the silly, stupid and ridiculous feeling being treated like a 9-year-old kid. I mean, Com'on,  I can handle it well provided you TRUST me.

Dear Mum and Dad, I AM NOT A DONKEY, OKAY?

Anne Frank

Mum found a book, Anne Frank, the diary of a young girl, written by a 13-year-old Jewish girl who was one of the millions of victims during the 2nd world war. The book was introduced by Eleanor Roosevelt (well, I have no idea who he or she is, just for the sake of introducing this very wonderful book) and it was translated from the Dutch by B.M. Mooyaart-Doubleday. Amazingly, this book only costs me RM23.90 which is considered one of the cheapest book I own.

This book is extremely influential. It's most saddening while I read the entry of March 1944, knowing that by March 1945, Anne's dead. I had a feeling like I'm reading her thoughts which remained so matured, so stable and cheerful and optimistic even though she was only 13 at the moment. Being in the hiding for 26 months, it is definitely unbearable for any ordinary people. It is always much more terrible than we can ever imagine. Reading Anne's diary makes me feel so miserable because living such a comfortable life now doesn't make me a better person at all. Anne and her family, and even all the other Jews at the same circumstance surely had lived a much more contented life than I do now. That's why I feel so sorry for myself and for all the victims and survivals of the 2nd world war.

This book is very educational. I've never expected a girl at the age of 13 could write such amazing diary entries, in the sense that she had a very matured thought. Unlike teenagers nowadays who only think about what is so desirable in their lives. Materialism has definitely brought human beings to a low level that we are often ceased to improve our mentality and maturity.

Being able to read this book is really fortunate for me. I've never thought I could be at such a short distance to the real life of a Jewish victim. And this book has brought me so much closer to understanding the happenings during World War II. I am so glad that Mummy has introduced this book to me as it is so wonderful and memorable that I would recommend this book to any person who isn't illiterate. I hope that everyone who has read this book should gain a lot to improve one's life. A girl of 13 has just changed a lot of my life. But I am so glad. And now, I learnt that my life shouldn't be treated as such a boredom because there should be no such thing in this era where we live. I always imagine how we would be criticized and penalized by the victims of World War II should they have seen how we live our lives. We are the victims who are trapped in the walls of our heart, and so we have turned to be so cold to ourselves and every other person. I think one reason people still doing open burning so uncontrolled is that, they still feel cold in their soul despite a high temperature of 39 degrees.