I'm happy these few days. Really? Well I'm not so sure but I think I'm supposed to be happy. I found my file and the book I borrowed from the library. It happened yesterday when I had a meeting with the Halloween committees members in the SRC room. I saw my belongings on the meeting table. It just appeared out of no reason. I was so sure that I brought it to CSU and it appeared right in front of my eyes in SRC. My friend saw me taking the book with me. Ahh! Whatever. Anyway, I should be so glad because * luckily I haven't paid for it, which costs me RM150 inclusive of RM25 service charge. ( I actually purposely delayed making the payment and wished for miracles) And it happened. So fantastically and unexpectedly. I'm so glad now that I saved such a lump sum. Yea, it's true, RM150 is a big number to me because it doesn't worth it and it would strike me hard for not being responsible enough. Now, it seemed that everything is so bright. Although I still have no idea about the fact, that, if I didn't take the book along with me OR if someone else took it and was kind enough to return it to me.
The thing that I want to emphasize is not the narration of how and what it all happened. It's my emotions. Life seemed to be so freaking hectic that I almost lost my sense of living. I don't know how I feel and in fact, I feel numbness of feelings. Sometimes, well, most of the time, if I'm happy enough I feel so light and bright, and if I feel sad enough, I'd feel like I'm going to die BUT if my mood is moderate I would feel nothing, or literally, I feel senseless. It bothered me so much that I wondered if there's something wrong with me.
Everyday is so similar.
Everyday after school I'd take the same lift back to the floor where my unit is, and I'll walk at the same pace to the unit, then to my room and then take a shower. Then I'd switch on the computer and start doing my stuff, either updating FB status or checking out for lecture notes of the next day. Probably I'd take a short nap and when I feel hungry I'd cook and eat. After dinner, usually around 6 or 7 I'd start studying and by 12 I'll go to bed, which is just behind the desk where I study, after preparing the cereal drinks for the next morning. The next day begins at 7 when I get up. And I'd be walking to school at the same pace and around 7.50 I'd reach the auditorium where I have the first lecture of the day. There are always 2 lecture, each lasts for 1 hour, with a 15-minute interval. Then around 10.30 I'd either grab a bun from de Brio, or go to the library to *have a look or a touch in the medical museum. Around 12 I'd have lunch with my mates and after that if I have nothing for the day I'd spend a few hours in the library, usually the medical museum, with my mates and then I'll go home, walking at the same pace as well. And the routine repeats everyday.
Everything that I do every day seems so similar and monotonous, *well it's not boring at all, but, too similar* that at times I have to refer to the calendar to check the date of the day. I cannot even remember which day of the week it is. And time pasts so fast that now it's already Thursday night of the 6th week and I was still wondering what lecture I had on Monday, of which I thought just happened the day before.
I need booster. In fact, a lot of boosters. I have to make everyday a different and special day. Life is without meaning when every day looks like the same day.
Caffeine is not working at all. It only contributes to dizziness and motionlessness.
Well anyway, Mum and Dad are coming over on Friday night and I'm FREAKING glad. It's been 3 weeks since the last time I spent time with them *although I felt like it was just yesterday*....
I'm really looking forward to spending time with them, even a breakfast is going to boost me a lot and a lot!
Even now when I think of them I feel like my tears are going to burst. I didn't realise how much I need them before I left home.
Mum & Dad, you created me nine months before 8th of September of the year 1992 and I'm so grateful that you brought me to Earth. It's so amazing that now I'm studying about the human body, which is all about miracles that are so mesmerizing. I feel guilty when I feel helpless showing my gratitude to you, that you brought me to this world of miracles, which is of myriads colours.
