Turn a new leaf?

I am used to setting new challenges and bigger goals for myself every time when it is a new beginning, for example, at the beginning of the year or when a new semester starts. Since last year when I completed my 6 years of high school, in fact, I have been thinking of new challenges to set. Maybe there are way too many things I have to accomplish, I couldn't figure out a specific goal for myself. After some struggling and thinking during these almost 8 months, I finally came out with a rough idea of what I strongly believe that I am supposed to do. Instead of saying that I should turn a new leaf, which might sound like I have done something bad though I had not, I should say that I need to set goals and challenges so that I am totally revitalized and full of energy and that might help me in becoming a more capable person in the future.

Now, I clearly know that I am pretty weak at social networking which means I am somehow reluctant to speak to people who I do not know. As a med student who wants to be a doctor so badly, this is not a small subject. I am very sure that a doctor cannot work by itself. A doctor who excels must work in a team. That means, a doctor must be able to get along well with other people easily. Hence, this has to be a new goal for me. I must always remember to take the initiative to meet new people. I must learn to speak and be much more outspoken. Social networking would be so vital that it may influence a doctor's job. I must take the opportunity to meet all kinds of people so that I give myself more chances to learn from the better.

Besides, I must pick up my English and Malay speaking skills. Perhaps it is because I am brought up in a Chinese-educated family and had been in a Chinese Private school, I seldom have a chance to speak in English and Malay. I think these two languages weigh as important should I serve as a doctor in Malaysia. I surely do not want to struggle in language barrier which will sound pretty ridiculous, both as a doctor and as a Malaysian. Therefore, I must speak a lot more English and Malay. I should not be any shy. At times, I should even speak in English only and get along with more English-educated people so that I have a bigger chance to learn and be initiative in speaking in the language.

It is my goals that I am going to challenge myself. I am going to strike it all the way. I am not going to run away from it. I MUST meet the goals. In less than 3 weeks, I am going to be a medical student in IMU. I am going to be the best of myself. I am going to work extra-hard and be very prepared that my university-life is not going to be easy. I must be very prepared that it might even seem disastrous. And I shall expect all the things more difficult and challenging than I could ever imagine. BUT I must not run away from any of them. I must always bear in mind one very important saying, which has been my companion during my hard-times while preparing for UEC last year, that is IF YOU DON'T QUIT, DON'T CHEAT AND DON'T RUN HOME WHEN TROUBLE COMES, YOU CAN ONLY WIN. For sure, I might lose a lot, but in the end, I will win because I can ONLY win from the bad times when I lost. Life's but a brief candle BUT it is in fact an amazing race.

I do not know what is going to fall on me in the next minute or TOMORROW. But as a living person, I shall be the best all the way. I shall live to the fullest. I shall strike for all I want. I shall be the best of what I want.

Yes. I do not know God I do not know Buddha and I do not know Lord Ganesha. But for now, I believe in myself but not being arrogant and proud of my self-being. I am but a tiny living creature in the world. But as I am given this opportunity to learn this world of colours and lives, I shall be the best.

Yes. Yes. All the best. All the way you go.

let thy emotion locked and thy shall hold the keys

It has been a couple of months since I first started driving on the road. Today, like sometimes, I drove myself to meet with my friends. But this time I parked at the carpark behind a bank. There is a notice board saying that it is the bank's private parking but I saw only a few cars parking there and because other parking spaces have been filled to capacity, I decided to park the car there. After happily saying good-byes to my friends, I realised that my car was blocked by a car. GOSH. It was 3.30pm and I should already be driving back to fetch my brother home from school. LOL. I started to get worried because I was going to be late. So I sent a message to mum telling her about this. And guess what, though expected, mum called back and her voice made my tears burst. I have no idea why this always happens when I hear mum's voice. I thought it's because she sounded like I have been crashed in a serious accident and probably would have both my legs amputated. GOSH. For a 19-year-old girl who is going to leave the house and live alone studying in a university, there should be no reason that I cannot handle this tiny little thing. I didn't even see this as a problem in fact! I could and should have resolved this problem myself. I decided to go to the bank and ask for assistance. Guess what, that lady staff at the Customer Service deck said that she had no idea whose car that was. Then I went to Yohan Bakery to ask too because that might be one of the customers' car as the parking lot is just next to it. Well, I ended up finding out nothing. Then I went back to the car and saw a Malay guy standing next to his car with his driver's door opened. So I asked if his car was blocked as well. How true. He faced the same situation. I told him about it and I was so lucky to have being told that the car that blocked my car belongs to one of the bank's staffs. Definitely I went straight to the bank.

Then Dad called me and I told him I was fine and could handle it. He was God-damned worried and LOL, I was trying to remind him that I am already 19 and should be able to handle it. It should be a piece of cake, in fact, it was. Then when I was in the bank waiting for my turn to talk to the same lady-staff, GOSH, this time Mum called me again. She was already shouting so loud that my voice started to tremble. Perhaps because of my stupid vocal chord that couldn't stop sounding like I was going to cry, Mum sounded so terrified that as if I was going to be murdered. I tried my best to convince her that I could handle it. Obviously I failed doing so because of my stupid trembling voice, she got even worse. And this time, she sounded as if I was going to be cut into a hundred pieces before being murdered and burnt into ashes. 

OMG

.....

....

...

..

.

Everything went back as usual then. Then I started to think about it. Now I'm so sure why I always want to leave the house sooner. Because it's for sure that I would not be able to learn overcome problems myself. It is NOT because of me but my parents who are always over-worried about a lot of silly things. I wondered, if I didn't inform Mum about the incident, I might have been scolded for reaching home late but perhaps I might be able to prove that I could really handle it MYSELF. GOSH. I really shouldn't have told the world about it. How silly I was!

That's why.

Why daddys and mummys nowadays are super-duper-worried about their children? I don't think they are treated like we are now when they were young in the bygone days. But why? Is it because the situation has worsen now in the sense that there are so many crimes happening out there? Or is it because parents in the modern days have fewer kids so children are more 'precious' and should be 'taken care' better? But by this way? So, perhaps a couple of decades later, kids are not going to be independent even when they have reached the age of becoming mothers and fathers. 

Parents play a really important role in the growing-up process of children.

Ooohh....

I still can't get rid of the silly, stupid and ridiculous feeling being treated like a 9-year-old kid. I mean, Com'on,  I can handle it well provided you TRUST me.

Dear Mum and Dad, I AM NOT A DONKEY, OKAY?

Anne Frank

Mum found a book, Anne Frank, the diary of a young girl, written by a 13-year-old Jewish girl who was one of the millions of victims during the 2nd world war. The book was introduced by Eleanor Roosevelt (well, I have no idea who he or she is, just for the sake of introducing this very wonderful book) and it was translated from the Dutch by B.M. Mooyaart-Doubleday. Amazingly, this book only costs me RM23.90 which is considered one of the cheapest book I own.

This book is extremely influential. It's most saddening while I read the entry of March 1944, knowing that by March 1945, Anne's dead. I had a feeling like I'm reading her thoughts which remained so matured, so stable and cheerful and optimistic even though she was only 13 at the moment. Being in the hiding for 26 months, it is definitely unbearable for any ordinary people. It is always much more terrible than we can ever imagine. Reading Anne's diary makes me feel so miserable because living such a comfortable life now doesn't make me a better person at all. Anne and her family, and even all the other Jews at the same circumstance surely had lived a much more contented life than I do now. That's why I feel so sorry for myself and for all the victims and survivals of the 2nd world war.

This book is very educational. I've never expected a girl at the age of 13 could write such amazing diary entries, in the sense that she had a very matured thought. Unlike teenagers nowadays who only think about what is so desirable in their lives. Materialism has definitely brought human beings to a low level that we are often ceased to improve our mentality and maturity.

Being able to read this book is really fortunate for me. I've never thought I could be at such a short distance to the real life of a Jewish victim. And this book has brought me so much closer to understanding the happenings during World War II. I am so glad that Mummy has introduced this book to me as it is so wonderful and memorable that I would recommend this book to any person who isn't illiterate. I hope that everyone who has read this book should gain a lot to improve one's life. A girl of 13 has just changed a lot of my life. But I am so glad. And now, I learnt that my life shouldn't be treated as such a boredom because there should be no such thing in this era where we live. I always imagine how we would be criticized and penalized by the victims of World War II should they have seen how we live our lives. We are the victims who are trapped in the walls of our heart, and so we have turned to be so cold to ourselves and every other person. I think one reason people still doing open burning so uncontrolled is that, they still feel cold in their soul despite a high temperature of 39 degrees.

Is this real?

Is this real? I am going to stay 200 kilometres away from home all alone. Wow. That sounds great, doesn't it? But when it comes to serious thinking about it, it isn't all that wonderful. Am I going to suffer from home-sickness, although it is only a 2-hour journey from home? Am I going to learn well in a totally new environment? Am I going to make a lot of friends? Am I going to be do well in medicine?

So many questions are surrounding my head. But I can't help thinking about them. What should I bring? What should I do with the room? Any repair work or painting to be done? Any extra cupboards necessary? Yes. In fact, the room looks so run down ( although it is within expectation ) that I extremely need to do something about it before moving in. Because very likely I'm going to stay there for the next 2 years.

The medium room which I'm going to rent is considered as fully-furnished. It consists of a queen-size mattress which is bare, means it is only a mattress without any cover over it, a study table and a wooden chair, a wardrobe which doors are hanging almost dangerously, a book rack with a few compartments, a table fan and, that is all. So definitely I have to bring a lot of things there!!

After having a short discussion with Mum and Dad, I decided that I should prepare the followings:
1. Pails ( a big one for laundry purposes, a small one for keeping toiletry)
2. Hanger + pegs + soap powder + detergent ( there is a washing machine, but I guess I need to bring my own detergent)
3. Book shelf ( that given book shelf is definitely too small)
4. Polystyrene board + double-sided tape ( it allows me to pin papers or notes on the wall, which would be pretty important)
5. Hook + String for curtain ( there is a window but its curtain is hanging on a string that looks like it will fall any time)
6. towel rack ( I'm not going to hang my towel in the bathroom)
7. linoleum ( for my study table so it would look nicer)
8. Dun-lope glue ( to repair the worn-out surface of wardrobe)
9. Extension wire ( for hair dryer, fan, laptop, table lamp, mini kettle etc.)
10. CD player ( I can't live without music)
11. Korean table ( I think I will eat in my room with that, it is very practical)
12. Ironing board + iron ( too bad, no ironing board is provided)
13. Cutleries including a cup, plate, bowl, fork and spoon, chopsticks etc.
14. Rice cooker
15. Mini kettle
16. floor towel
17. toilet slippers
18. chair ( I don't think I will feel comfortable with that stiff wooden chair)
19. Hair dryer
20. Pillow + bolster + blanket + comforter + bedsheets + tatami ( I am used to sleeping on harder surface instead of soft one)
21. Washing net
22. Toilet roll
23. Dustbin
24. Printer

So far it is No.24 and I guess the list will go on very likely. All the best! You are going to live alone and guess what, you're not dreaming. It is real! True! You don't need Mummy anymore! You can't depend on her! Please be independent!

=) Cheers!!

弟弟阿，你什么时候明白？

我的心好痛。怎么会这样。弟弟，你什么时候变得那么坏了？
午夜12点15分了，我突然从梦中惊醒，发现你没有在床上。爸爸说你在念书，我却看见你在我的书桌上，书本放在面前，电脑荧幕却也亮着。我是你姐姐阿，4年前，我也是15岁，我也在准备初中统考。你在做什么，我怎么会不知道呢？很多时候，你在搞叛逆，我看了也没多说什么。我不是不在乎，无所谓阿，我一直在给你改过的机会。但是，你好像从没发现。为什么非让爸爸妈妈生气不可呢？妈妈在骂你的时候，我不是什么话也没说吗？如果你做得对，我怎么会让妈妈继续责怪你呢？然而你做得错，我却也没有火上加油，落井下石阿。我好希望，你可以像我以前这样，从爸爸妈妈的责骂声中发现自己错在哪里，然后悬崖勒马阿。

每个青少年都有自己搞叛逆的一段时间。可我怎么看，也不觉得你是那所谓的搞叛逆阿。放学回到家一直到晚上睡觉，你有没有好好跟家人说话？你的礼仪去哪了？记得我以前叛逆的那段时期，只要我稍微让爸妈不满意，或者让人误以为是在发脾气，我一定会被骂得狗血淋头。可能因为我是女孩子，刚好我的性格跟你又不一样，我渐渐地学好了。现在，我看见你那幅目无中人的德性，有时候真的好想让爸妈多点骂你，让你觉悟。可是，那是4年前的爸爸妈妈。4年后，爸妈好像没有像以前那样教育孩子了。是不是他们也放弃了呢？还是，那一套已经不管用了？怎么办，姐姐看见弟弟现在这个样子，真的好愧疚，好难受。你是爸妈过后，我唯一最亲的家人了。爸妈老了，走了的时候，这个世界就只剩下你和我是最亲的了。我看见别人家的兄弟姐妹搞得不和气，感觉很糟糕的。我不想以后你长大了，也像他们那样活着。我好害怕，长大后的你，会学坏，脾气暴躁，没有责任感，没有勇气，傲慢，目无中人阿。怎么办？姐姐从没想到你的脾性是如此起伏不定，像枚定时炸弹一样啊。

弟弟，你什么时候才明白呢？这个没有文字的道理，你什么时候才懂得？
难道你就没有想过，珍惜家人真的很重要？弟弟，你真的太幸福了吗？难道就没有设想过，万一有一天，爸妈突然消失了，你怎么办？最爱你的人不见了，你到那个时候才后悔莫及？还是，你还是那样变本加厉地活着吗？你已经15岁了阿。15岁真的不小啊。我15岁的时候，已经设定人生目标，学习认真地活着了。我叛逆的时候，应该是10岁的时候吧。过后，我再没有真的让爸妈伤心了。

弟弟，你一定要成材阿。最重要是要懂得待人处事的道理。我无法忍受你对待家人的态度。他们是世界上最爱你的人啊，你怎么不懂得珍惜眼前的幸福？

唉。难道人类就是如此令人肝肠寸断？难道人类就是喜欢后悔莫及？

my dear old friend

" Bambambam...If that's ok with you....I love the way that you look without your makeup...bambambam..."
It is 7.45am and I get up from the bed like I have slept for 8 hours, which in fact, I have not. Instead, only 4 hours. LOL. It is the sound from the school speakers. That is my good friend's voice, of course, a recorded one.

During my high school days, we used to have 3 assemblies weekly. Before the principal and the teachers spoke, students had to do some physical exercises with an emcee conducting it on the stage. And that was my friend's job.

She is considered one of my very best friends. In fact, it can be said that she is my closest of best friends. However, unlike any other good girl friends in the class who liked to stick to each other most of the time, she and I seldom do so, especially in the final year of school. If somebody asks me who my best friend is, it wouldn't be truthful enough that she is the first person who comes to my mind. But I would hesitate to tell he or she.

I've known her for more than 6 years now. We have been very good partners and friends. We took part in all sorts of competitions. In class, we were always the top students. We were in the prefect board and that made us even better companions. She taught me a lot of things that are useful in life. Like how to treat your parents if you wish to get something from them. Ha-ha. This sounds a little not-so-good, doesn't it? But honestly, things like that are very useful. In other words, I learnt from her to do things with a double-winning solution. However, ironically, I don't like her that much. She is a very strong and competent person. Of course, this is not the reason that makes me not like her. It is actually because she does thing way a little too smooth. And she goes all the way for the thing she wants. Yes, she is a very determined person. But this also made her a little selfish. And I can't stand that.

However, overall, she is a friend worthwhile to befriend with. But not a working partner.

《能听到我的心吗》

我像一般女孩子一样，喜欢韩剧。韩剧让人陶醉，让人有梦幻的感觉，让人有梦想成真的感觉，让人有重生的感觉。《能听到我的心吗》是我目前的排行榜首号，也是唯一让我留恋，回味无穷的一部。

 以前高中一的时候，同班女生都在是韩剧的迷，过后，我也“后来居上”了。但是，究竟是什么因素让人无法自拔呢？我还是无从得知。

统考结束了，在等大学开学的那段日子，我也就有更多机会接触韩剧了。看的韩剧好多阿。分析的时间，思考的时间也多。在我看来，很多人认为韩剧让人陶醉的地方并不纯粹因为韩星“长得帅”“长得美”，当然这也是重点之一。更重要的，是因为剧本写得好。某一时期的韩剧的故事情节其实一成不变，不像欧美电影一样，因为情节令人振奋人心而收视率大增。大多数人不会重复看同一部韩剧。
那原因是什么呢？犹记得我看的第一出韩剧是《冬季恋歌》，距今已有10年了吧。那2，3年间的作品，譬如《蓝色生死恋》《天国的阶梯》等都是悲剧。每个投入其中的观众肯定泪流满面。那个时候，是我第一次因为电视剧而流泪。可能因为这样，大家都认为韩剧作品非常不错，因为演技逼真。那过后，大概5年前吧，人们也许对悲剧厌倦了，韩剧因此有了新的面目。韩剧作品不再是悲剧，反而是喜剧了。韩剧的观众还是一样捧场，因为喜剧真的可以令人笑破肚皮，还可以令人暂时忘记所有忧伤。到现在，韩剧还是有明显的发展的。从一个时期到另一个时期，韩剧带给人们的感觉是新颖的，根深蒂固的。这10年来，我感觉韩剧变得更成熟了。一流的韩剧越来越多，让人更加回味无穷。

除了剧本写得好，演技非常重要。比起港台内地剧场（本地的就不谈了）韩剧的演技非常优秀。就是小孩的角色也演得很好。韩剧里面的哭戏肯定有泪水，即使是小孩也一样。其中让我惊叹的就是他们的演技。
再来，角色搭配很好。饰演的所有角色，配合剧本，从来很少看到有破绽的，而且演技不造作，非常自然。还有，我喜欢他们的眼神。眼睛是心灵之窗吧。好多时候，是因为演员本身投入的好，而且善于表达，他们的眼神就占了一大半因素，让他们显得非常自然。

还有，韩剧的服装总是很得体。即使是乞丐，打扮得就似个乞丐。就是扮演的角色再穷，也没有重复的服装。实在令人惊叹阿。当然，他们的服装设计新颖，摩登。单是服装，就令人爱戴不已了。

韩剧的发展带给大韩民国很多的好处。韩剧影响力很大。看了韩剧，人们对韩国了解的更深一层了，而且都有一股劲儿想学韩语。

8月开学以后，我大概没什么时间像现在这样可以每天看韩剧了吧。哈哈！这是我给自己的借口，所以现在一直在看咯！喜欢韩剧的朋友们，我觉得阿，韩剧真的有理由让人着迷哦。尤其是女生们，因为韩剧的角色优秀，演员显得更帅气，我们不知不觉陶醉其中。何乐而不为？戏剧本来就是纯属虚构的，人们因为在现实中找不到自我，找不到让人信服的东西，也找不到让自己活得更精彩的理由，所以才看戏阿。韩剧陪伴了我好多好多的人生了。从准备考试到考试结束了，韩剧一直让我有重生的感觉，让我不禁鼓起勇气，更有活力的向前迈进哦。

GO GO GO

Hurray ~ Looks like mid-June has approached.
How happy it sounds! But it also sounds sad. It seemed that I have not been spending my time to the full with meaningful things. Ha-ha.

Well, like what I have been doing since I left school last year, on and off I have been preparing for my university life. It sounds so great, doesn't it? My friend who is already a 2nd year student in the same university as I told me that it did feel amazing realizing that she is already a 2nd year medical student. She finds everything great and wonderful as she has always been wanting to be a doctor so much.

I AM A VERY DETERMINED PERSON.
I kept telling this to myself. Even if I get uncertain with my future path at times, I will surely get back on track and full-fill my every dream. In other words, I AM GOING TO BE VERY DETERMINED BECAUSE I HAVE TO. I AM GOING TO MAKE MY DREAMS COME TRUE.

Well, now that I have submitted the scholarship application form to the university ( which criteria weren't met at all , LOL,  but with a lot of hope still ), I have been in search of ROOMS TO LET!! Yeah~ I decided not to rent from the university itself because it would cost me almost double.

I would say that I am lucky enough because I would be staying only 5-minute walking distance from the campus. There are several blocks of apartment. And luckily, the one I lately decided to rent from is one of the nearest. The environment is not bad. Because that is a dead end and so I guess it wouldn't be too noisy.

It is Vista Komanwel C1-15-7. Rented to only females who are currently students of IMU and APIIT. Smoking isn't allowed. And the entire apartment is fully-furnished. So I guess it would be good enough for me. Finally, my dad and I decided to rent a medium room which is roughly 130 square feet. I would single-occupy the room because mum and dad say they would probably pay me visits every now and then, then they can stay overnight at my place to save a lump sum of money! It is 500 dollars a month exclusive of utility bills. But it would be alright compared to 250 dollars a night in the hotel. So I guess it wouldn't be too bad after all =)

Love's Philosophy

I came across this poem by chance and I'm in love with it.

It's Love's Philosophy by Percy Bysshe Shelley(1792-1822)

LOVE'S PHILOSOPHY

The fountains mingle with the river

And the rivers with the Ocean,

The winds of Heaven mix for ever

With a sweet emotion;

Nothing in the world is single;

All things by a law divine

In one spirit meet and mingle.

Why not I with thine? ---

See the mountains kiss high Heaven

And the waves clasp one another;

No sister-flower would be forgiven 

If it disdained its brother;

And the sunlight clasps the earth

And the moonbeams kiss the sea:

What is all this sweet work worth

If thou kiss not me?

IELTS results

my IELTS results

After some hard work and worries, finally, I'm relieved. Now I have everything required prepared. All I have to do is to wait for the August intake! I'm really looking forward to learning in a university. 8 months have passed after UEC and very soon it is the time for me to commit in my studies. As becoming a health professional has been my dream, I'm definitely going to strike it, all the way! I read blogs of some doctors. Their lives really attract me so much. A lot are very committed and they really write like a doctor. Some scary but truthful facts didn't stop me from pursuing my dream but instead my wills grew stronger. I'm now very sure that I am determined to fulfil my dream. No matter how hard it might be, I am going to strike it. 

I went to Perth with my family last week. I love the place. 9 to 5 job, very less Overtime. People walk in a very slow pace. Drivers never honk. People obey to rules. I enjoy staying there a lot, even though it was only a few days. I have a friend who did her Masters degree there. She's now working in a big company with a bridging visa. 

Someday, I want to work in a place of different cultures. I think it enables me to learn and to transform into a better individual. I will not stay in one place for the rest of my life. I will not do things for the reasons that I am supposed to. I will excel. I must fly.